void.

sometimes i feel like theres a void in my life.

i can't understand how i feel.
and at times, i feel...
empty.

i want so much.
happinesslovesuccess.

i miss a lot of things.
the stress of not knowing
builds inside of me.
i know it hardly makes sense.
but it almost does to me.

i can't sleep because...
i don't understand
its hard to comprehend.
but i can't bring myself to be happy.

i never know.

does that make sense?

"i want to be as free as the wind"

wondering.
read me. you use to be able to.
of everyone in this damned world.
you were the one person who could
read me, and it seems you've lost the key.
you don't see me hurt. and sad.
i'm not as important to you
but i guess it doesn't matter.
so i'll say it again.
alone.

i needed you.
&& you didn't see me cry.
because you're too phased.
&& i don't know why i care.
maybe its because

you're more important than you think.
its never been about the boys or the family.
its always been about us.

sometimes i wonder if it's worth it.
it is right?

more alone than i thought.

i've fallen for something that doesn't exsist.
needless to say, i'm amazed.
7 days. and i'll be 18
12 school days left.
&& then?

everyone says it, theres a few things i regret.
but i won't regret this experience.
i love people for who they are.
and what they will always mean to me.

i know i won't stay friends with the people
i spend every lunch with.
i know i won't stay friends with the classmates
i laugh in class with every day.
i know i won't see the friends i look
forward to seeing during break.

but it doesn't mean i won't enjoy the memories.

i've walked the same path to classes since freshmen year. with my head up, and expecting to see people with my eyes looking into theirs. there was no point in me looking at the ground and hoping to get to class without being trampled by some big kid. we only had four years, so why waste the seconds?

i'm going to miss a lot of things.
but most of all, i'll miss this feeling.

sad to say

Seems all i'm doing is complaining. well i might as well continue now.

most days aren't good days. if good were so common, then we'd be shattered by the bad.

but incase you couldn't tell, we get so much more bad days to make the the good days seem like wonderful gifts.
"like" isn't a good word. but you get what i mean.

Park Village reunion tomorrow.
however can't be there.
the evil dicatator of a choir
teacher won't allow me to,
because she extended choir
rehearsal. --woopie.

the only reason my           and i fight, is ONE person. amazing isn't it, that one person has that much impact on a relationship of over 18 years. AMAZING. its not so much that this person is bad, don't get me wrong, i'm sure this person is a lovely human being, however, i don't seem to matter anymore. it's ridiculous. but i'm not the only one who seems to notice. whatever. if thats what it will take, i hope they never enter our family. AND I MEAN NEVER.

hate.
oh hate.
such a fowl word.

yet seems to fit with my emotions now.
incredible.

and i was going for positive this week.
YAY.